ON THE EVE of the American presidential election, this grand human experiment is ready for an update to what some are calling a ‘very old’ declaration of independence. What more modern way to do this than with A.I.? Feel free to replace ‘King George’ with your president of choice!

“We, the merry mischief-makers of this land, can't help but state the obvious: we're all in this crazy ride called life together, and we're starting with a bang by declaring that everyone's created equal! Yep, even Uncle Bob who can't grill a burger without setting the yard on fire.

Now, get this: we've got these unalienable rights like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That's right, happiness! Who would've thought chasing after joy would be as American as apple pie? But wait, there's more! Governments? Oh yeah, we made those up to keep the party going, and they only have power because we say so. It's like giving your kid a pretend crown and letting them boss around the dog.

But hey, if the government starts acting like a party pooper and ruins our fun, we're totally within our rights to kick them to the curb and start fresh. It's like hitting the reset button on a malfunctioning video game, except this time, we're the players, and we're not taking any more nonsense.

Sure, we get it, change is scary. We've seen more folks cling to their outdated government like it's a security blanket than we care to admit. But when the powers that be start acting like they own the place and treat us like subjects instead of citizens, well, it's time to show them the door and get ourselves some new bouncers for the club.

Look, we've put up with a lot from King George and his band of merry bureaucrats. It's like dealing with a bad roommate who never does the dishes and hogs the remote. But enough is enough! We're done being the butt of their jokes, and we're ready to write our own punchlines.

So, to all the skeptics out there, we're laying down the facts like a boss on a power trip. It's time to break free from the shackles of tyranny and start living our best lives. After all, why settle for being a colony when you can be the star of your own show? Let's make history, folks, and let's make it hilarious!

• So, old Georgie boy thinks he's too good to give his stamp of approval on laws that could actually do some good? Classic move, like refusing to share the last slice of pizza at a party.

• Not content with just saying no, he's playing hard to get with those urgent laws. It's like he's treating legislation like a game of "wait for it" and forgetting that people's lives are on the line!

• Oh, and here's a gem: He's holding whole districts hostage, demanding they trade in their right to representation for a few measly laws. Talk about highway robbery! Representation isn't just for show, George!

• And let's not forget his love for making our legislators trek to the middle of nowhere just to get some work done. It's like he's trying to turn governance into a twisted version of "Survivor: Colonial Edition."

• When things don't go his way, what does he do? Throws a tantrum and dissolves the House, of course! It's like dealing with a monarch with a serious case of "I'm the king, so there!"

• But wait, there's more! He's playing games with elections, leaving us hanging without a legislative lifeline. It's like he's treating democracy like a game of musical chairs, but instead of music, it's just his royal decree echoing through the halls.

• Oh, and George isn't a big fan of newcomers either. He's putting up roadblocks for immigrants like he's the bouncer at an exclusive club, except instead of velvet ropes, it's red tape.

• He's not just messing with laws; he's also giving the justice system a run for its money by playing puppet master with judges. It's like he's turning the courtroom into his own personal reality show, "Justice with George."

• And don't even get me started on his obsession with bureaucracy! He's hiring more bureaucrats than a hoarder at an office supply store, and they're all just here to make our lives harder.

• Standing armies in peacetime? Seriously? It's like he's staging a military parade in his backyard just to flex his royal muscles.

• And speaking of flexing, he's got this thing about making the military top dog over civilian rule. It's like he's playing Risk with real lives and forgetting that we're not just pawns on his game board.

• He's teaming up with shady characters to pass laws behind our backs. It's like he's hosting a secret society mixer and forgetting to send out the invites.

• Quartering troops, protecting murderers, cutting off trade—oh my! It's like he's playing a game of "How many ways can I annoy the colonies?" and winning every time.

• Taxation without representation? More like taxation with aggravation! It's like he's treating us like his own personal piggy bank, and he's not even sharing the wealth.

• Taking away our right to a fair trial? That's just low, even for George. It's like he's playing judge, jury, and executioner all rolled into one royal package.

• And as if that's not enough, he's shipping us off across the sea for bogus trials. It's like he's playing "Colonial Court" and forgetting that we're not actors in his twisted drama.

• He's messing with our neighbors' laws like he's redecorating their house without asking. It's like he's the colonial interior designer from hell, and he's got a thing for authoritarian accents.

• Taking away our charters, changing our laws—what's next, George? It's like he's playing SimCity with our lives and forgetting that we're not just pixels on a screen.

• Suspending our legislatures? Oh, he's gone too far now. It's like he's playing dictator for a day and forgetting that we're not just his loyal subjects.

• And finally, he's declaring war on us like it's a game of Risk with real consequences. It's like he's playing "Colonial Conquest" and forgetting that we're not just game pieces on his board.

So there you have it, folks! King George's greatest hits, brought to you with a side of colonial comedy. Let's give a round of applause for the king of tyranny! Or better yet, let's give him the boot!

Alright, listen up, fam, it's time to drop some serious truth bombs:

So, we've been hitting up King George's inbox, sliding into his DMs, even sending him TikToks—seriously, we've tried everything! But all we've gotten in return is a royal ghosting. It's like trying to get a response from your crush who's too busy binge-watching Netflix to text back. I mean, come on, even our dog has better manners!

And don't even get me started on our British pals across the pond. We've been dropping hints like they're Easter eggs, but they're as oblivious as a Kardashian at a math convention. It's like they're stuck in a time loop, still trying to figure out Brexit while we're out here declaring our independence!

So, here's the tea: we're ghosting the monarchy and swiping right on freedom. It's like breaking up with a toxic ex and realizing you're better off without them—cue the "thank u, next" vibes!

From now on, we're calling the shots like influencers on Instagram. We're gonna make deals, slide into alliances, and maybe even start our own reality show—"The Real Colonies of America," anyone?

And just to seal the deal, we're putting our lives, our bank accounts, and our internet clout on the line. That's right, we're betting it all on liberty and a good meme. Because when you're starting a revolution, you gotta be willing to risk it all for the 'gram!

So, to King George and his merry band of oppressors, we say: "Catch you on the flip side, losers!" We're off to make history, one viral moment at a time. Cue the fireworks, folks, 'cause America's about to get a whole lot funnier!”

*We here at OCT acknowledge that AI at this time is quite terrible and has possibly the worst sense of humour we’ve ever encountered.